How Much Do You Deserve?
I am a praying woman. I mention this about myself because it is directly related to the progress I am making in my own journey to Be Well.
For about five years I have been diligently working on my health. The majority of that journey has been connected to healing emotional, spiritual, and mental aspects of my life through energy healing tools I have learned and examining my personal beliefs.
Recently I happened to be having a discouraging day. A little better than a year ago I made changes in my life that, while there has been some limited improvements, I felt there should have been much more improvement than what I have experienced this past year.
I had decided to go to bed early and before I lay down, I felt it was a good time to pray, so I did. I poured out my heart about what I was feeling and experiencing and ended my prayer with, "What am I missing? Please help me understand what I am missing."
I got into bed and was about to put on a seminar to listen to while I fell asleep, something I often do to review information, which for me, helps me retain it better and helps prevent mind chatter from keeping me awake. But on this night I had a feeling inside that I needed to have no distractions, just go to bed without anything.
As I closed my eyes I found my thoughts echoing the last phrase of my prayer. "What am I missing..." After a few moments, I heard in my mind, "Until you believe you deserve to have good health, you will not be able to receive it."
In that moment I felt in my body a sense of resistance that I can best describe as when two magnets have the same poles brought towards each other but repel each other. There is nothing you can do to bring them together. It's not going to happen. It was a feeling of repulsion physically, almost of disgust emotionally. I immediately found it interesting because I knew absolutely that deserving quality to be true, but also felt in my body that sensation that rejected it!
I have recognized for at least 10 years that I have difficulty with the idea of deserving anything, even if it's something I've worked hard for. This has become even more pronounced as society has had a hay-day with what they refer to as the "entitlement generation".
Because I recognized this, I thought about this idea of entitlement and deserving and as I held that idea in my mind I had additional words come to me. To summarize, the idea that entitlement or deserving is bad and the way it's been applied so easily to so much is misguided. There is a middle-ground.
There came into my mind images of the Founding Fathers (I live in the United States) and immediately I thought, "what does this have to do with anything?!" I heard in my mind the patient response, "Let me finish," and I felt grateful for my belief in that loving guidance that is always available to me when I'm receptive to it.
As I focused on the image that had come to mind of the founding fathers, a question came to me, "What are the inalienable rights that the founding fathers sought to protect?"
The words "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness" came to my mind. I was then reminded that inalienable rights are another way of saying someone deserves something, an entitlement, not because they earned it, but because they exist. Because they breathe, they deserve to have life, freedom, and to pursue the things that make them happy, so long as it does not impede on anyone else's life, freedom, or pursuit of happiness.
Ok, this makes sense, I thought, but what does that have to do with health?
The answer that came to me was through a question, "What is death?" I realized that death is a process of disease, and ultimately the complete loss of health, and I realized that if death is the complete loss of health, then "Life" is the securing and building of one's health.
In that moment, I felt a complete change come over my whole body, a shift in my belief, including that I DO deserve health, specifically that I deserve to feel healthy, vibrant, and strong. What's more, I realized that if I can classify anything into one of those three areas of inalienable rights, I can be deserving of it.
That doesn't mean someone else is required to give it to me, that is where the idea of entitlement goes awry. But for me, or you, or a child to feel they deserve something is not wrong. The problem comes because someone else assumes they have to be responsible for that desire (or on the flip side they assume someone else is responsible to provide or fulfill that desire), and because they don't want to be responsible for it, the person with the belief that they deserve something is judged or condemned for believing that they do.
But the things we believe we deserve, whether conscious or not, are the things we bring into our life, just like a magnet. When we believe we don't deserve something, no matter how good it is, we will have difficulty receiving it.
So how has my life been since that night? Better. First of all, I suddenly stopped needing naps in the middle of the day. I have felt more energy to accomplish what is required of me, especially with so much spring work outside to go along with my daily work. I feel happier. I have had a few more insights on beliefs I have had that impede my ability to receive health that I have made adjustments with. I have noticed that there is an affirmation running through my thoughts throughout the day of "I deserve to be and feel healthy, vibrant and strong!" And I feel the truth of it in my body. No more resistance.
Also, just this morning, another affirmation was added to that. "I deserve to be my ideal weight." It's the first time in my life since I was about 7 or 8 years old that the idea of being my ideal weight has not been met with resistance in my physical body. That's 35 years that I've felt in my body that I didn't deserve to be my ideal weight!
How about you? Do you feel that "erch" of resistance inside your body at the thought that you deserve something you desire in your heart? Can you feel resistance in your body sending you messages that you are believing something different than what is good and desirable for yourself?
I encourage you to pay attention to your thoughts and feelings on deserving and entitlement. There is a healthy happy balance with deserving for ourselves. If we believe we don't deserve anything, or believe the things we deserve should be given to us at the expense of another, we are out of balance.
But if we believe we can deserve something, and that the doors can be opened to provide a way to guide it to us, or us to it, there is really nothing that can keep if from us.
If you have any questions, you are always welcome to email me. I look forward to hearing from you!
All my love, and Be Well…
Paige